by Dr Cyber-Kat

I read an interesting article from Science Daily today about how human evolution was advanced by the close association of humans with animals such as cats and dogs. This got me pondering what affect humans have had on dog and cat evolution. I think it is safe to say humans have had a profoundly negative impact on the evolutionary development of cats and dogs. Take two examples:

Before man wolves were known as the most straightforward of all the creatures. If you needed an honest opinion a wolf, just before attempting to eat you, would gladly provide one. Since coming into contact with the so easily manipulated humans, wolves degenerated into dogs, who gladly feigns caring when a human comes home if only to secure the next meal. A wolf would have just made a meal of the returning human.

Cats, before domesticating humans, were known as the intellectual doers among creaturekind always trying to expand our understanding of the Universe and society. But humans allowed us to become lazy and instead of researching things such as particle physics too many cats today watch TV or video games or drifting wisps of dust.

So, humanity, while you applaud the evolution of your species remember the cats and dogs who de-evolved to get you here.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Stupid humans

By Squirrel

People, showing their insatiable appetite for pointing out flaws in others, have charged squirrels with being deceptive. Big deal people! Of all species cluttered on this planet, people are the last that can point fingers. People are by far the most deceptive of all animals. Here are four examples just to name a few:

1. You shave off your fur -not all of it mind you but just, for some reason, parts of it.
2. You adorn clothing to hide your growing bellies ballooning out like an ever expanding watermelon of fat.
3. You drench your body in perfume because because oddly enough you hate the way you smell.
4. And, to conduct this experiment, you used a robotic squirrel!

Using a robotic squirrel is clearly cruelly deceptive! How would you like to come across a cute furry little thing that was flirting with you only to discover she/he/it was a robot? Unless you are into that sort of thing I would imagine you would feel fairly put off. So, humans, look to your own deception before pointing to others. And by the way, sorry about that whole plague thing in LA.

by Squirrel

by Dr Cyber-Kat

As a cyborg-cat, I was very excited to read about Oscar the Cat, the feline with the bionic legs. It is a truly inspiring story that brought hope to me that humans will finally start considering creating huge robotic super cats to replace them as leaders of this Earth. It is about time too. There is hardly problem on Earth today that cannot be solved with a bunch of 25 foot tall robotic felines. Have an oil spill? No problem! We’ll just swim around in the ocean, absorb all the oil in our fur then lick it up. Cats are use to licking disgusting stuff off of us- its kind of a cat thing. War? Ha! Cats were made for wars. It will be like playing with lots of cute little cat toys running around desperately trying to hide from you. Troubled economy? Once 25 foot tall super felines starts roaming the Earth looking for things to ‘play’ with every human on Earth will won’t a new, more secure, home. House troubles solved!

So humanity if you want to start living a worry free life build super cats to replace you. It is the simplest solution. And for all you dogs out there, do not worry we will not get revenge but I would tone up those running legs if I were you. And here is one bit of advise I can give Oscar as a cyborg cat myself, try to resist licking your new metal parts. Trust me, they will rust fast.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Human Caregivers · Society · Stupid humans · Technology

By Ruby the rat

With geo-location features now available on Twitter everyone is chatting relentlessly about privacy concerns. Well, prey such as me have had to deal with lack of privacy for eons. Every time we make any noise we are concerned with any potential critter that wants to eat us lurking in the near by bushes. With the advent of social web this is a greater problem for prey. Before, a prey only had to fret about what was lurking in the next bush over now the worry is about predators plotting your demise from miles away!
However, prey can take steps to make themselves less of a target. I am a fair expert at keeping predators at bay. Where I work predators surround me all day long. Even the senior editor here, Dragon, is a cat! Sure Dragon has not eaten a writer in awhile but sometimes, around lunch he, lingers around my desk. So to survive this job I knew I had think outside the box, that why I use lark’s vomit as a hair conditioner. I admit is smells funny however I am fairly sure it tastes even worse. I highly recommend for all worried little prey to try Lark’s vomit in your hair. It is sure to keep those predators away.

A Lark

by Ruby · Reviews · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

I just read an interesting article on Google, ‘Google Does Not Make People Stupid, Internet Experts Suggest’. Why I personally do not see how usage of Google can make someone stupider this study has a fatal flaw. Namely, the very internet experts who do not feel Google makes people stupider are most probably heavy users of Google so if Google does make people stupider these so-called ‘experts’ could no longer be classified as experts because they would be too dim-witted from their over-use of Google.

But this topic begs a deeper question, has technology made humans weaker? The answer is yes. Case in point, while I do enjoy my robotic cat litter box I can still manage to relieve myself anywhere I like; for example, my human caregiver’s laundry basket. But humans seems total unable to relieve themselves without aid of a toilets even when perfectly good trees stand ready and waiting throughout a city and instead buy a cup of coffee from Star Bucks just so they could use the restroom. If that is not stupid I don’t know what is.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Sci & Tech · Stupid humans · Technology

By Dante the Dog

Apple’s new iPad is dominating all conversation among people in our office this week. They ramble on about it finally allowing digital manga on portal device, about without Adobe Flash it will be relegated to the most uninteresting ghettos of the Internet and other such boring topics.

Dogs know people to well and understand there always is an alternative and slightly embarrassing motivation behind all their actions. This is what makes them so enduring to us dogs. For animals, something is useful only if it:

• finds food,
• prevent something from finding you as food or
• helps in mating.

We are certain the iPad has little to do with the acquisition and prevention of becoming food. So we have concluded the iPad designed for the human mating ritual, which, as all animals know, the people are too embarrassed to do in public. Just before they begin people invariably tossed us animals out of the bedroom and shut the door. Animals have assumed it must be an incredibly awkward and silly thing to observe. For, if it was as stunning as two eagles clutching their claws and failing out of the sky together or like a lion and lioness going at it for hours, people, being an egoistical lot, would surely be mating at every street corner. So, animals have to concluded the iPad must a new technological advance designed to improve human mating, perhaps as a display mechanism for the males. Maybe someday some one at Apple will invent something so that people can mate in front of everyone without fear of embarrassment. Maybe then people will quit throwing the dogs and cats out of the bedroom every time they want to go at it.

by Dante · LifeStyle · Society · Stupid humans · Technology

By Monifoop, the Space Creature

It has come to our attention that the United States is no longer planning a return vacation to the moon. I have been vacationing on Earth for a number of years and I have been disappointed on how little distance humanities travels when vacationing. Returning to the moon for yet another vacation seems silly. The moon is only 384,403 kilometers away, which is hardly a journey at all. Why not pay a visit to Alpha Centauri ? It is only a mere 4.3650 light years away! I traveled 140 light years to visit Earth and you don’t see me complaining.

The biggest problem with humanities constant on-a-again-off-again vacation planning is the devastating affect it has on the already feeble Moon economy. Moon creatures have never had it good. The Moon is desolate, cold and, lets be truthful about it, just ain’t that much fun. Moon creatures got all excited after Humanities first few vacation trips and built up a huge tourism industry to support future human vacationers only to be disappointed time and again. So, Humanity, either quit talking about it or just go. The Moon creatures have had enough with the lip service.

by Monifoop · Current Events · Science · Stupid humans · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

Our poor metallic friends are in desperate need of freedom from human tyranny.  Mankind, ever in need of treating everything with a level of depravity equal to how they treat their own have created sex robots.  These poor robots must now endure the unwanted advances of human incapable of wooing one of their own species.  Robots should never be treated in this manner!  They toil for the betterment of all of creature kind only to endure the groping from unattractive, though admittedly rich, humans all night long.  And worse they don’t even know how to dress her. I think a simple red or perhaps pink halter-top with a little white lacy trim would have worked much better on the Roxy the Sex Robot. We need a robots bill of rights or at least dress codes for sex robots!

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Robots · Sci & Tech · Society · Stupid humans · Technology

by George the Killer Whale

There has been a lot of controversial since humans have begun their vast effort to raise the Earth’s global temperature. Many animals are against the human’s efforts. Well, I am here to voice the opinion of killer whales and great white sharks across the globe. We are united in giving full support to the human’s efforts to create global warming. Because a warmer planet means less ice which in turn means more ocean and that is just fine with us. We are unclear as to the human’s motives but who cares?  The ocean only cover 70% of the Earth and we think that is just not enough. I for one am looking forward to a nice vacation in Florida and that just can’t happen unless sea levels rises another 2 to 3 meters. So humans drive more, burn your forests and uses more coal so someday we will be your neighbor. And remember why some creatures might not support you the kill whales and great white sharks are behind you 100%. By the way when you go out on the beach use less sunscreen. It tastes awful.

by George · Current Events · Nature · Science · Stupid humans

by Dr Cyber-Kat

A human was terminated from his job this week when his employer discovered he had been utilizing computers at work to aid the quest to communicate with creatures from space for a number of years. Read more here We applaud his effort here at Creature View even if he does appear to have spawned the furry of his former employer. We wish him best of luck with that.

However, we suggest next time he wants to talk to a space alien he needn’t look to the stars; they might be standing next to him right now. For decades creatures from space have been living among us and most of them are quite willing and capable of holding up there end of a conversation. The problem is humans are not. Numerous times creatures from space have tried to engage humanity in dialogue only to get a confused response back. You may have noticed a creature from space; most take on human form and greet people using the Universe’s standard greeting, begging for spare change. And what do they get for their politeness? -A cold shoulder.

This is not only true of space creatures but earth creatures as well. For example take Pigeons. Pigeons are, in fact, a super intelligent species. And, after year after year of unsuccessful attempt to communicate with humans most believe humans not to be the sharpest tool in the shed. Pigeons communicate in creative manner via the artistic language of dance. Most human mistake their strutting and prancing as a cute mating ritual not a sophisticated commentary on the everyday struggle of creature kind or a treatise on the space-time continuum (one of their favorite topics). So next time you see a pigeon dancing around respond with a little jig of your own and you may find yourself treated to a good conversation. If you can’t dance try The Universal Facial Tick Language

Below is two pigeons having a conversation about global warming.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Nature · Sci & Tech · Stupid humans