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By Dante the Dog
There were two articles last week on training dogs, a New York Times article on the myth of Alpha-Male and a MSNBC Article on how dogs imitate humans. Interesting, people and dogs have co0habitated for eons and people still seemed perplexed and slightly intimidated about how well dogs learn. This is understandable. Humans require so much education even to be able to speak. I personally know of one human who has been in school for nearly forty years and is still no closer to leaving than he was ten years ago. If more than half your life is spent getting ready of the remaining half you are doing something wrong. So, people, as an alternative to torturing dogs in hopes they will submit or deluding yourself into thinking a dog is flattering you whenever you think it imitates you, why don’t you try to learn like dogs? It is quite simple; try listening to someone or something even if they do not hold the threat of failing grade or poor performance review. People may find they will need a decade less of formal education just to get by.
By Dragon the Cat
Null Knowledge’s world headquarters is in San Francisco and typically we enjoy the humorous antics of the city government as prime examples of why creatures should rule the Earth. But now they have gone too far. Caving into the fish cartel’s ever increasing political clout, they have proposed banning the sale of all pets except fish! This hands over to the fish a monopoly in human caregivers. All animals deserve the right to have human caregivers. As a cat, the thought of cleaning out my litter box is appalling. And I know a dog or two who would never venture from their homes if they had to pick up after themselves. This is a clear example of how the fish cartel is continuing to manipulate irrational and uneducated humans to suit their fish needs. Please do what you can to prevent this from occurring. I don’t know what I would do with out my human caregiver.
By Monifoop, the Space Creature
Stephen Hawking this week urged the world not to contact creatures from space. His reasoning was a typical human thoughts: space creatures show up, steal Earth’s resources, infect humanity with alien viruses, steal all the human women then leave like visiting relatives after accidentally reformatting your hard drive. Blah blah, we have heard it all before. I don’t know how many times my human girlfriends have broke up with me because her father, “just doesn’t trust space aliens”. Tough Hawking, if your daughter wants to date me nothing you can do can stop her! I am tired of over protective and ignorant fathers standing in the way of true love. Get with it parents! Space creatures are no different than anyone else. Sure I occupationally feast on squirrels, have a second mouth and have been known to ramble on and one about taking over the Earth and eating humans but deep down I am just as human as the next guy who grew up in a pool of liquid methane, is indestructible and capable of time travel. So for all those silly fathers out there, if you are lucky enough for your daughters to get a chance to date a space creature, let her.
By Dragon the cat
Final Fantasy XIII is due out on March 9 2010 and we are all very excited here at NullKnowledge.com. But we do have some concern, from the preview clips we have seen there are NO cute creatures with bunny ears! What is the point if there are no creature with cute bunny ears!
We at NullKnowledge.com think bad human behavior is all due to jealously of other creatures. Of all the creatures human are so naked and devoid of cute appendages. The world would be much better place if mankind had bunny ears or long furry tails. Sure bunnies are the most wicked of all creature kind, always tripping people for no reason, but at least they are cute and cuteness outweighs niceness. To make our point we have launched a new site People as Bunnies. Here you will find famous people bunnified.
Also, you may have noticed the new look of the Null Knowledge sites. We are in the midst of a migration and for the next month please forgive any downtown that may occur.
by Ruby the Rat
We sent Squirrel to Fancy Food Show in San Francisco this weekend. All he said was not enough nuts and the rest of the food had too many preservatives. This got us thinking about why humans are obsessed with dumping preservatives in all their food. There is a theory among creature this dates back 4000 years ago to the Egyptian rites of the dead. Apparently they spent a lot of effort mummifying their dead. This was costly, time consuming and and very inconvenient. So, many creature believe humans today are trying to mummify themselves slowly while they live by putting huge quantities of preservatives in what they eat. This way they are already mummified before they die. Other creatures just think human are being stupid.
by Ruby · LifeStyle · Nature · Stupid humans
By Dragon the cat
Many of Creature View’s staff are back from vacation and now being exceedingly lazy. When if task them to pick up the pace they just mumbled something about ‘mentally still being on vacation’. This does bother me but what is more annoying is when the human’s metal state finally gets back to work they are no longer fun. They, in fact, become exceedingly dull.
The human concept of vacationing is difficult to understand for most creatures because, most of us, are on a perpetual vacation. Humans, on the other hand, seem to desire partitioning their lives into episodes of resting, fun, work and various other activities for no apparent reason. For cats work is fun and play is work and as for resting, well we do that just about anytime. The line between fun and work is so blurred for most creatures that some of us did not even use separate words to describe them. We just called fun/work, living.
There must be some benefit to the human’s segregating their lives in such a fashion but as for me I fail to see the benefits. For now I must endure the human staff’s mental state of vacation and dread the time when they ceased to be fun and become ‘productive’ which is anything but.
By Dragon the Cat
2009 was a great time to be pointless in the media. And here at Creature View we excelled at exactly that. But as the new year begins we thought it best to reflect on last year and look forward to the next with our top words and phrases for creatures in 2009 and beyond.
| Top words or phrases for Creature’s in 2009 | |
| 5 Herding | If 2009 showed us one thing it is the only thing humans love more than herding is complaining about it. |
| 4 ?-shaped recovery | With all the plethora of predictions the only certain thing is the analyst are only guessing. |
| 3 Stupid Humans | The humans have been most entertaining for creature kind last year. |
| 2 Cactus hugging | Poor cactus, the loneliest of creatures, needed hugs last year but no one came to their aid. |
| 1 Lick a friend | The solution to all of life’s problems is more cooperative licking! |
| Predicted words or phrases for Creature’s in 2010 | |
| 5 Pack instinct | Creature Times predicts humans will redefine their herding instinct as pack instinct because it sound better. |
| 4 Luv-shaped recovery | This is the only shape a real recovery can be in. |
| 3 Silly Humans | With certainty humans will do their utmost to be silly, which, admittedly, is a step above being stupid. |
| 2 Cuteness outweighs niceness | This is an concept we introduced last year and we hope it takes hold this one. |
| 1 Lick a friend | Again, the solution to all of life’s problems is more cooperative licking! |
08 Recession · by Dragon · Current Events · Cuteness Outweighs Niceness · Stupid humans
Torry the Lemming
From the US Realest bubble to Dubai humans have shown a weakness for herding. Creature-kind, although more level headed than humans, do have herding issues as well Dubai the wonder play ground of oil rich nations has similarities to the creature kingdom. I can’t tell you how many caribou parties have ended up at the bottom of a cliff after a pointless stampede And I needn’t even bring up lemmings.
But the common failing among humans and creatures may help bring us together. That is why we have decided to make our herding support group, Herder’s Anonymous open to humans Next time thoughts of mass suicide or get rich scheme turn to Herder’s Anonymous for help We are better than the friends you listen too.
We have a hard time keeping our membership up so we are excited about letting humans join. Next meeting is on really tall cliff by the sea in Half-Moon bay. The one where all the sharks hang out.
08 Recession · by Torry · Current Events · Economics · Society · Stupid humans
by Dragon the cat
We have another winter holiday season upon us and, as usual, some creatures are being excluded from the festivities. I am speaking, of course, about hibernating animals. The holidays means very little to hibernating animals. They are stuck inside their dens just trying to stay warm all winter long. No one comes and visits them. No once sends them a holiday card. Nothing is more depressing then waking up after a long hibernation to find out you missed all the fun. The problem is if all your friends hibernate you cannot rely on them to snap you out of your holiday doldrums
This year, we at Creature View have a solution. Humans should come to the hibernating creatures rescue and bring holiday cheer to the dampest of caves. Why not bring some cheer to the bears and snakes this year? Sure, they might be a bit grumpy at first but once we figure out why you are there they might not eat you.
So show some holiday cheer and visit a bear or snake den this winter holiday. We suggest you bring food, lots of party favors and make sure to make lots of noise!
Even bears need a hug and some holiday cheer.
By Dante the Dog
As recently noted eating pork does not increase risk of contracting the H1N1 flu. Here, in our studios, we have the creature who single-handedly started this myth, Thomas the pig.
Q: Why did you start spreading rumors about pigs causing H1N1?
A: I prefer it if you would call it by its real name, the swine flu.
Q: OK. Why did you start the rumor eating pig causes swine flu?
A: I am a pig stupid.
Q: How did you start the myth?
A: I started the myth using the Internet. If you want to spread lies look to comments in blogs. They are always the best place to begin. In every website mentioning the swine flu I made sure to leave several emotional comments warning about the threat of pork. Since most website log IP address I used a browser that cycles your address. Also to make it seem like different people agreeing with one another I made sure to create a different personality for each post. My favorite personality to use was Sue from South Carolina. She can’t spell very well but has a big heart.
Q: Was the enough?
A: Well, I also created some T-shirt saying Pigs ==Sine Flu. Do you want one?
Q: Are there other myths you started?
A: Right now I have a contract to spread myths about health care reform.
Q: For which side?
A: The side that was willing to pay me the most.
Q: Is spreading myths profitable?
A: Very
Q: How do you feel about how far the rumor has gone?
A: Again, I am a pig. I feel proud.
Now you have the inside scope about the H1N1 -sorry I mean swine flu pig myth.
