by Dante

Last week’s article was fitting because the start of a new season of Trashby has begun. Trashby, a sport much beloved in creature kind, was started to honor Ronny the Raccoon the discover secret wealth within trash cans. The rules are simple, two teams face off and try to toss the other teams garbage cans while defending their own.

This season was off to a great start with San Francisco’s own Trashby team the Dark Tins defeating the Chico Ripe Bananas. Samantha the chipmunk worked through a preseason injury to overcome the Ripe Bananas’ power house, Rabby the Possum. Rex the raccoon, the offense for the Dark Tins, drove home four sequential can tosses before a stupid human interrupted the game. The highlight was when Rabby slipped in the icky trash liquid and failed to block Rex’s final bin toss score.

Samantha ‘s performance will surely help quell rumors of a trade and the fans seemed to have forgiven Rex’s rude off court behavior. The latest incident was only last week when Rex got drunk off of mulberries and tried to ride a flying squirrel from a tall tree. Poor squirrel.

The score was seven trash cans to two after three and a half innings (game halted due to human interruption).

Note to stupid humans: quit interrupting our games.

by Dante · LifeStyle · Sports

By Squirrel

As you all know last week was the Twenty-Third International Squirrel Dog Taunting Invitational. This year it was held in beautiful Pennsylvania and the trees, just turning colors, created a wonderful backdrop for the competition. There was a lot of excitement about the much discussed rematch between Twirly and Samantha who, as you all remember, lost last year’s finals on a foul when she accidentally left a bow in her tail. The rules are very clear about use of flare during competitions.

For those of you unfamiliar with Squirrel Dog Taunting here is a brief description. A squirrel, who starts in a tree, has ten minutes to make a dog go irate. The squirrel who agitates the dog to the greatest degree wins. Dog agitation is measured by strength of bark, running speed and total time snarling. A competition dog is typical a terrier although in Europe poodles are known to be used.

The excitement this year was well placed for again, in the finals, Twirly and Samantha faced off. Twirly went first and got off to an aggressive start. He raced down the tree and confronted the furious terrier head on. This is always a risky move and luck was against Twirly this time. His head on assault scared the terrier who for the first five minutes did no barking or snarling of any kind but, instead, tried to hide. Only after recovering its composition did launch an attack. Samantha’s start was terrifying as she slipped and fell from the tree hitting the ground with great force. She seemed dazed and confused as the terrier raced towards her in great anticipation. But then, at the last second Samantha came too and raced up the tree further antagonizing the terrier. It had been all a ploy and this year Samantha won the cup more them making up for her unfortunate foul last year.

Scores for the final round:

Our condolences go out to the family of Jimmy the Squirrel who found his match in the year’s terrier.

by Squirrel · LifeStyle · Sports