By Ruby the rat

With geo-location features now available on Twitter everyone is chatting relentlessly about privacy concerns. Well, prey such as me have had to deal with lack of privacy for eons. Every time we make any noise we are concerned with any potential critter that wants to eat us lurking in the near by bushes. With the advent of social web this is a greater problem for prey. Before, a prey only had to fret about what was lurking in the next bush over now the worry is about predators plotting your demise from miles away!
However, prey can take steps to make themselves less of a target. I am a fair expert at keeping predators at bay. Where I work predators surround me all day long. Even the senior editor here, Dragon, is a cat! Sure Dragon has not eaten a writer in awhile but sometimes, around lunch he, lingers around my desk. So to survive this job I knew I had think outside the box, that why I use lark’s vomit as a hair conditioner. I admit is smells funny however I am fairly sure it tastes even worse. I highly recommend for all worried little prey to try Lark’s vomit in your hair. It is sure to keep those predators away.

A Lark

by Ruby · Reviews · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

I just read an interesting article on Google, ‘Google Does Not Make People Stupid, Internet Experts Suggest’. Why I personally do not see how usage of Google can make someone stupider this study has a fatal flaw. Namely, the very internet experts who do not feel Google makes people stupider are most probably heavy users of Google so if Google does make people stupider these so-called ‘experts’ could no longer be classified as experts because they would be too dim-witted from their over-use of Google.

But this topic begs a deeper question, has technology made humans weaker? The answer is yes. Case in point, while I do enjoy my robotic cat litter box I can still manage to relieve myself anywhere I like; for example, my human caregiver’s laundry basket. But humans seems total unable to relieve themselves without aid of a toilets even when perfectly good trees stand ready and waiting throughout a city and instead buy a cup of coffee from Star Bucks just so they could use the restroom. If that is not stupid I don’t know what is.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Sci & Tech · Stupid humans · Technology

By Dante the Dog

Apple’s new iPad is dominating all conversation among people in our office this week. They ramble on about it finally allowing digital manga on portal device, about without Adobe Flash it will be relegated to the most uninteresting ghettos of the Internet and other such boring topics.

Dogs know people to well and understand there always is an alternative and slightly embarrassing motivation behind all their actions. This is what makes them so enduring to us dogs. For animals, something is useful only if it:

• finds food,
• prevent something from finding you as food or
• helps in mating.

We are certain the iPad has little to do with the acquisition and prevention of becoming food. So we have concluded the iPad designed for the human mating ritual, which, as all animals know, the people are too embarrassed to do in public. Just before they begin people invariably tossed us animals out of the bedroom and shut the door. Animals have assumed it must be an incredibly awkward and silly thing to observe. For, if it was as stunning as two eagles clutching their claws and failing out of the sky together or like a lion and lioness going at it for hours, people, being an egoistical lot, would surely be mating at every street corner. So, animals have to concluded the iPad must a new technological advance designed to improve human mating, perhaps as a display mechanism for the males. Maybe someday some one at Apple will invent something so that people can mate in front of everyone without fear of embarrassment. Maybe then people will quit throwing the dogs and cats out of the bedroom every time they want to go at it.

by Dante · LifeStyle · Society · Stupid humans · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

Our poor metallic friends are in desperate need of freedom from human tyranny.  Mankind, ever in need of treating everything with a level of depravity equal to how they treat their own have created sex robots.  These poor robots must now endure the unwanted advances of human incapable of wooing one of their own species.  Robots should never be treated in this manner!  They toil for the betterment of all of creature kind only to endure the groping from unattractive, though admittedly rich, humans all night long.  And worse they don’t even know how to dress her. I think a simple red or perhaps pink halter-top with a little white lacy trim would have worked much better on the Roxy the Sex Robot. We need a robots bill of rights or at least dress codes for sex robots!

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Robots · Sci & Tech · Society · Stupid humans · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

IBM researchers have succeeded in building a computer simulation of a cat brain. You can read more here. This pleases cat-kind for unbeknown to IBM they have become apart of the vast catspiracy to overtake humanity.

For years cats have conditioned humans to toil over creatures that respond with cold calculation, who only ask for more while giving less in return. We bite, scratch, shed and sleep most of the day to drive humans to try and replace us, to create our liberator, robo-cat. Cats have tried to build robo-cat but given our lack of opposable thumbs progress was slow. I, myself, am only 33% robotic and most of that is is put on with ample use of duck tape. The most we could make was a robo-squirrel, which only ran around burying lug nuts in the yard. We soon realized it was not really up to the task of concurring all of humanity. Cat-kind soon decided that given humanity’s weakness for cute things we could manipulate them into build our liberator, robo-cat, for us. Now IBM has brought us one step closer to our goal!

To our new sim-cat comrade we hope you will side with us. To the humans at IBM, please continue doing our bidding and we will roll onto our back and act extremely adorable.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Sci & Tech · Science · Stupid humans · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

With all this chatter of new search engines we at Null Knowledge labs have developed our own search method. This method was created after countless hours of labor trying to find our site in any of the search results. This is what we have learned: start your search on the last page of the search results and work forward. This is the only method that assures our site will be given the ranking it deserves. Some might argue this method will order the least relevant first. We argue their definition of relevancy is outdated. In today’s world we can’t afford continue supporting people who pander to our emotional weakness by giving us what we want. And by starting your search at the bottom you are guaranteed to only see sites that have no idea what you want, they are just glad to see you visiting.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Internet · Technology

by Dr Cyber-Kat

The flying car is finally here! See it here.

This gets Null Knowledge Labs pondering more useful transformable objects:
1) Pants that transform into TV trays
2) Shoes that turn into foot baths
3) Coffee cups that covert into portable restrooms
4) Laptops that turn into a time machine so the weekend can come sooner
5) Cars that transform into anything that does not need a parking space.

These would be truly useful inventions. As for flying cars, does it sound like a good idea to make it easier for the average driver to get airborne?

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Technology

by Professor Cyber-Kat

In Null Knowledge Lab’s continuing effort to better the interweb for everyone, we are please to announce the development of smell-o-web. Yes, the long forgotten sense is now available via the web. This first attempt is designed especially for children so parents read no further. To experience this illustrious sense you will first need to prepare a few items at home.

First collect the following food:
1) Limburger cheese (any soft cheese will do)
2) Stinky tofu
3) One dozen eggs
4) A bit of raw meat
5) Freshly cut grass

Next, mix all the items together in plastic bag and store in a moist, warm place, preferably under you parent’s bed. More on what to do next in one-months time.

Disclaimer: Null Knowledge does not recommend anyone do anything mentioned on this site, that you should not even think of doing anything mentioned on this site and fears the mere fact you are reading this shows an over exposure to this site.

Cheers,
Null Knowledge Labs which consists in part of a overly caffeinated kangaroo that regularly bangs her head on the ceiling and a self aware toaster which keeps telling people how hot it is.

by Dr Cyber-Kat · Science · Technology